REVIEW 73: OKTOBERFISH

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Flying Dog Brewing Company

STYLE:  Märzen

ABV:  6.0%

PURCHASE:  Draught (60-oz. pitcher), $8.00

SERVING:  Said pitcher, poured into chilled pint glass. The initial standard pour yielded head that took up half the glass (roughly three full inches). A slower pour didn't produce much less. Ironically, the fast pour I did for round 3 got the least! Better than average retention, in any case.

APPEARANCE:  Transparent auburn-copper color, with an off-white, wispy head. Little bubble action in the glass, though more in the pitcher. Lacing was splotchy initially, though much, much better on the subsequent pour.

BOUQUET:  Appleskin and malted barley stand out above all else. A bit on the toasty side. Not much else in the nose.

PALATE:  Very soft carbonation paired with a slightly heavy body. A toasted malt flavor is almost immediate. By mid-palate, however, the overall mouthfeel becomes a malt-apple hybrid, more or less. The finish is where things get a little more complex: A slight hop bitterness enters the picture, as does a subdued note of mild spice, likely clove or coriander. Finish has an apple-like nature in terms of texture, although not really in terms of taste. The aftertaste maintains the hop bitterness, but gives rise to a significant yeast presence as well as traces of coffee and/or tea; more roasty than toasty at this stage. Coffee? Tea? SEGA?!

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  More of an Oktoberfest than the one I reviewed from Hofbräu last week, that's for sure. This one looked, nor smelled, nor tasted, like a Helles lager--that I can tell you.

As an Oktoberfest brew, it's solid but nothing special; on a par with Sam's Octoberfest. I rank it accordingly.



GRADE:  B-

"Coffee? Tea? SEGA?!"

REVIEW 72: HOFBRÄU OKTOBERFEST

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Germany

BREWERY:  Hofbräuhaus München

STYLE:  Märzen

ABV:  6.3%

PURCHASE:  Six-pack of 11.2-oz. bottles, $11.99

SERVING:  11.2-oz. bottle, poured into pint glass. A standard pour produced a bit more than a standard head (roughly two inches). A slow pour resulted in more or less the same. A fast pour initially produced a head comprising half the glass, but which settled into the two-inch range rather quickly. Average retention.

APPEARANCE:  Has the look of a Helles lager: Straw color, spongy white head, steady bubbling, transparent body. Decent lacing.

BOUQUET:  Has the aroma of a Helles lager: Ideal hop-malt balance, a bit of breadiness, a bit of yeast. Fairly simple.

PALATE:  Has the mouthfeel of a Helles lager: Medium body, standard carbonation, effortless drinkability. Has the taste of a Helles lager: A pilsener-like sweetness that starts humbly, but crescendos with dextrins at the finish; an almost perfect balance between malted grain and noble hop bitterness, with a soft, warming spice factor--cloves and pepper--thrown in for good measure in the aftertaste.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  This is an Oktoberfest?

If it looks like a Helles, smells like a Helles, and tastes like a Helles, well then it must be a Helles! Luckily I like Helles lagers.

Good enough brew, but points off for misleading the consumer.




GRADE:  B

Well Done, South Park!

ABOUT. FUCKING. TIME.






Click here to watch the South Park episode,"You're Not Yelping."

REVIEW 71: WEYERBACHER IMPERIAL PUMPKIN ALE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Weyerbacher Brewing Company

STYLE:  Pumpkin Ale

ABV:  8.0%

PURCHASE:  Draught (12-oz.), $7.50

SERVING:  Chimay branded chalice. From the tap, about a half- to three-quarter-inch head. Rather quick dissipation for a craft beer.

APPEARANCE:  What you'd expect a pumpkin ale to look like. Color of pumpkin pie bordering upon dark caramel. Cream-beige head. Absolutely zero lacing. A fast-disappearing head will have that effect.

BOUQUET:  Subtle pumpkin spice blend, with nutmeg as the star attraction. Cinnamon is notable, as are traces of brown sugar and cinnamon. Not as gingery as other pumpkin ales. Features a fairly conspicuous dark fruit undercurrent, namely plum and/or fig, and possibly raisin. Sniffing this, I entertain visions of pumpkin pie, but I also dream of Fig Newtons.

PALATE:  Somewhat heavy body, but light on the carbonation. A bit nondescript early on, but asserts itself mid-palate, especially if you let it linger. Sweet finish that bolsters the fruit factor. Nutmeg figures into the picture, but the overall "pumpkin spice" factor is subdued. My nose was right about the plum and fig: They both play major roles in the aftertaste, which is also a bit yeasty. This may be the yeastiest pumpkin ale I've had to date, in fact. Not saying that matters much.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Three of these will hit you if you don't eat dinner beforehand. (It was filet mignon for your humble narrator tonight, my little droogs.)

This packs more than just pumpkin; like the Punkless Dunkel from Neshaminy Creek, it posits dark fruit on an even keel with it. Unlike that beer, however, this one doesn't come off quite as expertly refined. But it's a player in the now seemingly oversaturated world of pumpkin ales--or should I say "pumpkin" ales? 




GRADE:  B

REVIEW 70: FAT TIRE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  New Belgium Brewing

STYLE:  Amber Ale

ABV:  5.2%

PURCHASE:  Draught (60-oz. pitcher), $10.00

SERVING:  Said pitcher, poured into chilled pint glass. A standard pour yielded a standard 3/4" head, which was more or less equaled by a pour half the speed. A fast pour got 2 1/2 inches, roughly. Decent retention.

APPEARANCE:  Transparent amber-copper color with a typical white head that's equal parts fizzy and rocky. Very good lacing.

BOUQUET:  Very evenly balanced between malt and hops. However, there is a distinct note of sugar as well as of tea leaves. I'm not hallucinating.

PALATE:  Average body and carbonation. Starts very well balanced, and stays that way, with slight crescendos on both the malt and hops. A mild sweetness permeates the entire mouthfeel. Finish is yeasty, leading to an addictive tea-like aftertaste, one also seemingly evenly split between subtle hops and toasted malt. Fairly simple; nothing too fancy. But very, very easily drinkable. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  This may be the closest thing to a crowd-pleasing craft beer that exists. If you're throwing a party, and want to include a microbrew that won't turn anyone off, this is the one to do it with. Probably because it became a sort of "it" beer last decade. So much so that in the film, Fast Food Nation--set in Colorado, where Fat Tire is brewed--director Richard Linklater made sure it was mentioned during a crucial scene, in which Bruce Willis sips one to wash down a burger, while discussing the "shit in the meat" problem with Greg Kinnear.

Movie trivia aside, this is not a champion in its field; more like a sometime all-star.




GRADE:  B

REVIEW 69: GRANDE RÉSERVE 17

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Canada

BREWERY:  Unibroue

STYLE:  Strong Dark Ale

ABV:  10.0%

PURCHASE:  N/A (gift)

SERVING:  25.4-oz. bottle, poured into St. Bernardus branded goblet. My standard 20-second pour produced a head of only about half an inch; my faster 10-second pour got three-quarters. Not very big, but man did it last. It didn't want to leave.

APPEARANCE:  Deep caramel-chestnut tone. Beige head. Eye-catching; seems to glow on its own without much light. Splotchy lacing.

BOUQUET:  Fruity above all else, mainly raisin and appleskin; other dark fruit essences like plum and fig seem evident, as does a touch of citrus. Faint spice notes round things out nicely; they include, namely, pepper and clove, but also seeming traces of ginger and cinnamon. Maybe even allspice. 

PALATE:  Moderate to slightly heavy body with a fair amount of carbonation. Fruity front palate, pretty much a hybrid of raisin and sour apple. Finish is strong on the alcohol but gives rise to a very welcoming and complex aftertaste of blended spice, namely pepper and clove, but complemented with what seems to be notes of allspice, cinnamon, and maybe ginger. The fumy alcohol presence remains, which doesn't necessarily detract from, but doesn't exactly enhance, the experience. You could say it's a bit too "boozy" on the back end. Fortunately, it's balanced out by a nice plum-raisin-fig resonance.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Grande Reserve 17. So named because it was introduced in 2007, on the 17th anniversary of its brewer, Unibroue, from Quebec (the makers of La Fin du Monde). A trappist, Belgian-style beer from a Québécois brewery. 

Is it just me, or is Quebec becoming a hub for the production of fine goods? I play a Seagull acoustic guitar. Relatively inexpensive and made in Quebec. It plays just as well as virtually any Martin, Taylor, Gibson, or high-end Ovation model. Likewise with this beer. It's neck-and-neck with the Chimay lineup, and is only a tweak away from competing with the true Belgian abbey heavyweights, such as St. Bernardus. 

Guitars. Beer. What will Quebec give us next? An expansion NHL hockey team? 




GRADE:  A-

REVIEW 68: MICHELOB ULTRA

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Anheuser-Busch

STYLE:  Light Lager

ABV:  4.2%

PURCHASE:  Case of 24 12-oz. bottles, $25.23.

SERVING:  12-oz. bottle, poured into pint glass. The standard pour gives initially a standard one-inch head, but it doesn't last. A faster pour didn't really do any better. Piss-poor retention.

APPEARANCE:  Adjunct straw! White head! Bubbles! You can see through it!

BOUQUET:  Slightly husky, but there's not really much here. Hints of corn, yeast, and generic vegetables. Emphasis on the word "hints." Although I did detect a strong water presence.

PALATE:  Seltzery, with a razor-thin body and carbonation like a watered-down Coke or Pepsi. As with the aroma, there is just not much here aside from a slight huskiness in the overall mouthfeel, and perhaps a cooked-veggie or corn note. Dry, yeasty finish that leaves very, very little aftertaste.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  This is typically an offering at any bar or chain restaurant. Nine times out of ten--bare minimum--it's the worst beer in the lineup. That says it all.

Does it taste bad? No, though it's clearly a long, long way, from good. But it doesn't pack the punch of even your common light beer; rather, it's almost as if someone once accidentally spilled a Bud Light into another person's club soda at an Anheuser-Busch company party, and the club soda drinker just happened to be an exec. He then decided to taste it for sheer kicks, a light bulb went off in his head, and . . .

You really want to cut down on carbs? Don't drink beer. Simple.




GRADE:  F

". . . with an 'F' in this course!"

REVIEW 67: YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Stone Brewing Company

STYLE:  Strong Ale; Fruit/Vegetable Beer

ABV:  10.3%

PURCHASE:  Draught (13-oz.), $8.00

SERVING:  Tulip glass. Wispy head of barely half an inch from the tap. Average to slightly below average retention.

APPEARANCE:  Translucent and beautiful ruby-burgundy color. Beige head. Uneven lacing.

BOUQUET:  What do elderberries smell like? This is malty and fig-like in the nose; definitely a Belgian-style aroma. Hops are barely detectable. 

PALATE:  What do elderberries taste like? This is full-bodied, particularly mid-palate--a game-maker. Body is a bit heavy on the whole, and carbonation is par for the course: A slow crescendo, and sharp if not held in check. Finish is rich with seeming dark fruit essences, namely fig. Aftertaste is roasty; as a matter of fact, this is roasty from the start. But the aftertaste takes it a step further; it's downright smoky, earthy, and just a wee tad tart. Subtle pepperiness kicks in at the tail end.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Elderberries come from the sambucus plant. The flowers of this plant--elderflowers--are used in the making of Sambuca, as you can probably deduce from the name.

This is from the "Stochasity Project" line from Stone. It's sweet and rich enough to be a dessert beer. But it's also roasty, smoky, and complex enough to perfectly complement a meal featuring fine meat. Don't read that the wrong way; I'm not gay.




GRADE:  A-

Let the Games Begin . . .

REVIEW 66: COORS LIGHT

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Coors Brewing Company

STYLE:  Light Lager

ABV:  4.2%

PURCHASE:  Draught (60-oz. pitcher), $8.00

SERVING:  Said pitcher, poured into chilled pint glass. About a one-and-a-half-inch head from tap to pitcher, roughly one inch even from pitcher to glass with a normal pour. A fast pour yielded three. Somewhat decent retention, believe it or not. 

APPEARANCE:  In Crayola Crayon terms: Body is adjunct straw bordering upon saxophone brass; head is G.E. phosphorescent light bulb white. Quite possibly the most transparent beer on the planet.

BOUQUET:  Semi-husky aroma, featuring primarily the generic grain typical of standard American macrolagers. The "cooked-veggie" smell is present. To its credit, there does seem to be a tinge of both hops and malted barley.

PALATE:  As you can guess, body is light--it's a light beer, duh--with seltzer-like carbonation, particularly in the front palate. Seems to proceed directly to a yeasty finish. No real hop presence, and barely any malt presence either. Comes off like carbonated yeast water at first. Aftertaste features more or less a split between yeast and notes of cooked generic vegetables--think veggie medley from your local T.G.I. Friday's. Not the most complex taste among beers, but to its credit, it still tastes somewhat like actual beer.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Well, it's not terrible. On the contrary, it's very, very easy to drink. That's . . . something.

As with most other cheap mass-produced brews, keep it cold and you'll be okay. And maybe, just maybe, you'll score a set of twins.




GRADE:  D