REVIEW 39: NOT YOUR FATHER'S ROOT BEER (5.9%)

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Small Town Brewery

STYLE:  Herbed/Spiced Beer

ABV:  5.9%

PURCHASE:  Six-pack of 12-oz. bottles, $15.99.

SERVING:  12-oz. bottle, poured into Guinness-branded imperial pint glass. Gives no head--insert canned laughter here. It took a fast, ten-second pour to get any noticeable head at all: Your standard inch (of soda suds), which still went away within five seconds or so. Pour this any slower and any fizz goes away almost instantaneously. 

APPEARANCE:  Cola brown, as you'd expect--check that: Root beer brown. Opaque. Lacing? Ha.

BOUQUET:  Well, it smells like a root beer--or a specialty soda you would be served by a soda jerk at a 1950s-themed diner. (I know. I was one. I was young and I needed the work.) I must note that vanilla and sugar were quite prominent--in fact, the vanilla was probably the most conspicuous aroma of all of them. What you will not detect are the ingredients of a standard brewsky: No hops, no malt, no yeast, no citrus of any kind--well, you may make out water. What you will detect are the usual smells associated with root beer, such as anise, licorice, molasses, perhaps a touch of cinnamon, and various other herbs that I can't pronounce.

PALATE:  Has the body one would associate with a . . . root beer. Has the carbonation one would associate with a . . . root beer. All in all, tastes like . . . root beer. But an even sweeter root beer. Or Coke. Or Pepsi. Or RC. (What the hell.)

Sugary all the way through, but still bearable in that respect. Alcohol factor is downplayed, palatially speaking. Essentially tastes like a bottle of root beer with half a shot of rum dumped in. Two things rum and root beer have in common: Sugar and molasses, both of which are at the forefront here. In the "aftertaste," if you want to call it that, the aforementioned licorice, cinnamon, and anise seem to fade into the picture. On the whole, comes off like a dessert beer, a "treat" of sorts.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  How the hell do I judge this?

Let's just call this what it is: Spiked root beer. Now let's call it what it isn't: BEER. Perhaps we can call it a "specialty beverage." Looked at in that light, it's easy to see why this has grown in popularity in my neck of the woods over the past few months. It's sweet and almost candy-like, so it appeals to anyone chasing a fad (girls). But I can't understand why this would appeal to a beer drinker. Like yours truly. It's too sweet for its own good, for one thing. Secondly, it in no way represents a real beer: No hops, no malted barley or wheat, no yeast--at least, none easily discernible. 

Twisted Tea may taste great. But it ain't beer. It's a fad drink. Same here. This is a gimmick, plain and simple. As such, I have no problem with it. It's not as if it tastes like shit. But do I have a problem with it as a beer? As a real beer? See below.




GRADE:  F


NOTE:  Not Your Father's Root Beer is available with three different ABVs: 5.9% (the standard version, and subject of this review), 10.0%, and 19.5%.