REVIEW 13: OLDE ENGLISH 800

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Miller Brewing Company (despite the bottle crediting "Olde English 800 Brewing Company")

STYLE:  Malt Liquor

ABV:  5.9%

PURCHASE:  "40," $2.95.

SERVING:  Said "40," poured into Guinness-branded pint glass. Initial 20-second pour yielded a dense crown of roughly two and a half inches, with surprisingly remarkable retention.

APPEARANCE:  A color I know call "trumpet brass" or "saxophone brass." Transparent to the point that, if you really wanted to, you could watch T.V. through it. Bright white head, like that of an old Irish guy who never went bald. You heard it here, folks: O.E. leaves good lacing around the glass!

BOUQUET: Relatively clean, but bready. Kind of like inhaling a loaf of Strohmann's White Bread after dampening it with a sponge. As with many malt liquors and "economical" beers, corn seems to make an appearance in the aroma. Other than that, I got . . . water. Hey, it didn't smell like a sewer, trash can, or crime scene. We're already coming out ahead.

PALATE:  Light-medium body with standard carbonation that sets in almost immediately but remains manageable. Shockingly inoffensive to the taste buds, although not especially inviting either. Almost cola-like in its semi-sweet overall mouthfeel. The thing is, there aren't any particularly noticeable beer elements at play. Hops? A tinge of a tinge, maybe. Malt? Eh. "Cooked veggies?" Not really. I can certainly make out the water, though. The very, very back features some fumy notes of alcohol, a hallmark of many malt liquors. Hey, it didn't taste like a sewer, trash can, or crime scene. We're already coming out ahead!

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  The central question floating through my mind after downing this is, Is it possible that a notoriously bad malt liquor isn't as bad as I remember it? I last had this in college--I think. I was expecting to make a smarmy comment about how I hadn't had this in years, and that I was reminded why. Well, I was, sort of. But not in any sort of hyperbolic or "beer snob" sense. I swigged this tonight with no issues whatsoever. In other words, O.E.'s drinkability was passable. 

That said, drinkability is only half the battle (at most). Being "drinkable" does not a "great" beer make. Nor even a decent one. But it's a step. Further, I find myself preferring O.E. to some of the truly awful bottled concoctions I have had the misfortune of imbibing during my lifetime. Combined with the lack of a truly off-putting characteristic, I cannot in good conscience give O.E. an outright dismissal. 




GRADE:  D