REVIEW 15: ELIOT NESS

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Great Lakes Brewing Company

STYLE:  Vienna Lager

ABV:  6.2%

PURCHASE:  60-oz. pitcher, $10.00.

SERVING:  Said pitcher, poured into chilled pint glass. Solid inch to an inch and a half of head from the tap to the pitcher. Heady from the pitcher to the glass, though: Even a 20-second pour resulted in suds occupying almost half the glass. It took a 30-second pour to produce an ideal 3/4" crown.

APPEARANCE:  Deep, rich amber-mahogany hue and moderately opaque. Off-white head bordering upon light beige.

BOUQUET:  One of the most pleasant and inviting aromas you will find in an American brew. Floral hops and pressed grains are most prominent, but traces of wheat and even a slight hint of oat abound. Caramel seems to be the overtone that pervades. Malted barley tones lurk in the background of each whiff.

PALATE:  Somewhat heavy body. Conspicuous carbonation if left to linger, but somehow it works. Overall, sports a Sam Adams Boston Lager taste profile--they are, after all, the same style of beer--but lacks Sam's subtle spice and citrus notes. That said, it features more of a kick from noble hops, and an excellent hop-malt balance. Pleasantly sweet and slightly biscuity finish and aftertaste makes for a highly gratifying end--and bridge--to each sip. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  What Sam is to Boston, Eliot is to Cleveland. The real-life Eliot Ness led a team of Prohibition-era G-men, known as "The Untouchables," and when not fighting Al Capone, frequented taverns in the Cleveland area, most notably one that stood on the site of the present day Great Lakes brewpub. Don't believe me?  Read it here. 

Is that the only reason this beer takes the crimefighting legend as namesake?  Perhaps the brewmasters were drawing an analogy between the uncompromising nature of the brew to the "untouchable" nature of the man. Who knows? All I know is that the beer was outstanding, and as far as American-brewed Vienna lagers go, may even edge Sam.





GRADE:  A

REVIEW 14: BORO BLONDE ALE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Crooked Eye Brewery

STYLE:  Blonde Ale

ABV:  5.6%

PURCHASE:  60-oz. pitcher, $10.00

SERVING:  Said pitcher, poured into chilled pint glass. A solid inch and a half of head from the tap into the pitcher, but less than half that on the first pour from the pitcher into the glass. Quicker pours (less than ten seconds) on the second and third pints yielded close to two inches. 

APPEARANCE:  Dark caramel-butterscotch color, despite it's being a blonde ale. Think caramel filling of a Rolo. Except this was transparent. The beer did take on a blonder tint when dispensed into the glass. Slightly off-white, bright, fluffy head that left decent lacing around both the pitcher and the glass.

BOUQUET:  The look was prophetic: Caramel hits the nose first, followed by a strong malt presence. Rounding things out are pleasant, subdued notes of citrus (orange and lemon), and possible wisps of pitted fruit such as peach or apricot. Hops sneak in there with a strain.

PALATE:  The hop-malt factor seems flip-flopped when assessing the taste: Now the malt notes recede while the hops assert themselves--though not as in an IPA, or even an APA, for that matter. But they represent a "through-line" of sorts, as they crescendo briefly before backing down yet remaining on the scene, syncing well with the notable citrus presence in the finish. The aftertaste sees this tandem continue with nice sustain, with the hops assuming a more bitter form. Light-medium overall body with, more or less, a normal degree of carbonation. Easy drinkability, almost like a light beer. However, also like a light beer, lacks a "wow" factor.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  From Hatboro, Pennsylvania, near the stomping grounds of your humble narrator, comes the Crooked Eye Brewery and their Boro Blonde Ale. And wouldn't you know it, my little droogs, the upstart entry in the local market has promise. Smooth and relatively simple, this seems the type of beer well-suited as a first foray into the world of craft beer for those too timid to shy away from the standard, mass-produced lagers from the Big Three. I don't find the Boro Blonde quite on a par with Leffe and other more well-known entries in this category--particularly those from Belgium. But it's a start. Perhaps a decade's worth of recipe fine-tuning can push this into the top tier. 




GRADE:  B-

REVIEW 13: OLDE ENGLISH 800

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Miller Brewing Company (despite the bottle crediting "Olde English 800 Brewing Company")

STYLE:  Malt Liquor

ABV:  5.9%

PURCHASE:  "40," $2.95.

SERVING:  Said "40," poured into Guinness-branded pint glass. Initial 20-second pour yielded a dense crown of roughly two and a half inches, with surprisingly remarkable retention.

APPEARANCE:  A color I know call "trumpet brass" or "saxophone brass." Transparent to the point that, if you really wanted to, you could watch T.V. through it. Bright white head, like that of an old Irish guy who never went bald. You heard it here, folks: O.E. leaves good lacing around the glass!

BOUQUET: Relatively clean, but bready. Kind of like inhaling a loaf of Strohmann's White Bread after dampening it with a sponge. As with many malt liquors and "economical" beers, corn seems to make an appearance in the aroma. Other than that, I got . . . water. Hey, it didn't smell like a sewer, trash can, or crime scene. We're already coming out ahead.

PALATE:  Light-medium body with standard carbonation that sets in almost immediately but remains manageable. Shockingly inoffensive to the taste buds, although not especially inviting either. Almost cola-like in its semi-sweet overall mouthfeel. The thing is, there aren't any particularly noticeable beer elements at play. Hops? A tinge of a tinge, maybe. Malt? Eh. "Cooked veggies?" Not really. I can certainly make out the water, though. The very, very back features some fumy notes of alcohol, a hallmark of many malt liquors. Hey, it didn't taste like a sewer, trash can, or crime scene. We're already coming out ahead!

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  The central question floating through my mind after downing this is, Is it possible that a notoriously bad malt liquor isn't as bad as I remember it? I last had this in college--I think. I was expecting to make a smarmy comment about how I hadn't had this in years, and that I was reminded why. Well, I was, sort of. But not in any sort of hyperbolic or "beer snob" sense. I swigged this tonight with no issues whatsoever. In other words, O.E.'s drinkability was passable. 

That said, drinkability is only half the battle (at most). Being "drinkable" does not a "great" beer make. Nor even a decent one. But it's a step. Further, I find myself preferring O.E. to some of the truly awful bottled concoctions I have had the misfortune of imbibing during my lifetime. Combined with the lack of a truly off-putting characteristic, I cannot in good conscience give O.E. an outright dismissal. 




GRADE:  D

REVIEW 12: BROOKLYN LAGER

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Brooklyn Brewery

STYLE:  Amber Lager

ABV:  5.2%

PURCHASE:  60-oz. pitcher, $10.00

SERVING:  Said pitcher, poured into chilled pint glass. Not very heady from the tap--essentially just a thick wisp. A speedier pour from the pitcher into the glass, however, produced between two and three inches with solid retention.

APPEARANCE:  Reddish-amber and fairly transparent. Although, after poured into the glass, it took on a slightly lighter hue of dark gold. Barely off-white crown. Decent lacing around the glass.

BOUQUET:  A forefront of hops and citrus, backed up by a trace of malt and grains. Almost IPA-like in its aromatic profile.

PALATE:  Sweet entry that immediately gives way to a grapefruity bitterness. Features a body that is simultaneously thin but relatively rich in hoppiness--especially for an amber. An ever-so-minute hint of some sort of spice seems present, but is hard to pin down. Simple taste profile, and it tends to lose some luster after the second or third pint. Like a mild ale, the aftertaste takes on a tea-like nature. Relatively smooth overall drinkability with subtle carbonation.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  This is an amber lager bordering upon IPA--or at least APA--territory. In other words, it's a poor man's Sam Adams Boston Lager. Regardless, for a beer this hoppy, it's very agreeable to a long session. I rank it accordingly.




GRADE:  B

REVIEW 11: BRAWLER PUGILIST STYLE ALE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Yards Brewing Company

STYLE:  Mild Ale

ABV:  4.2%

PURCHASE:  Case of 24 12-oz. bottles, $24.99

SERVING:  12-oz. bottle, poured into pint glass. Heady from the bottle (three full inches), even with a modest pour speed. A super-slow pour was required to produce an initial, standard one-inch head. Moderate retention.

APPEARANCE:  Reddish mahogany. Mild transparency. Off-white head. Good lacing.

BOUQUET:  Mild ales are known to rest on the maltier side of the spectrum, but they maintain a subtle hop presence as well. This one was no exception. Caramel is conspicuous, as is a biscuity graininess. 

PALATE:  Light-medium body with minimal carbonation. Slightly grainy sweetness at the entry. The hop factor is present but subdued, allowing malted barley to take center stage. Tea-like finish and aftertaste, which also seems to hint at a tease of generic citrus. Smooth and easy-drinking, with a simple overall aesthetic. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  This is an outstanding beer for baking. Ever have beer bread? I did a few months ago, and it was made with this. It was phenomenal. But it's the drinking we're concerned with here, and rest assured, the brawler comes out swinging. (I'm sorry. That was lame.) To call it phenomenal in that regard might be a stretch, however. In any case, this is a highly drinkable beer with microbrew character; so drinkable, in fact, that I would dare say it's "poundable." In other words, it's a great first craft beer for a lifelong Coors Light adherent.





GRADE:  B

A freshly baked loaf of beer bread.

Taking Yelp To Task, Part Deux

This man is my new hero.