REVIEW 94: AMSTEL LIGHT

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Netherlands

BREWERY:  Amstel Brouwerij B.V.

STYLE:  Light Lager

ABV:  3.5%

PURCHASE:  Case of 24 12-oz. bottles, $30.99

SERVING:  12-oz. bottle, poured into pint glass. You get an inch and change of head with a pour of usual speed; a little less with a slower one. Either way, it vanishes fast.

APPEARANCE:  Your everyday straw-colored, see-through body with your everyday white head--when there is one. Steady post-pour bubbling action. Lacing, like head retention, is a joke here.

BOUQUET:  Generic grain and a slight, slight sweet touch of hops. Fairly clean otherwise.

PALATE:  Very easy to drink; that much is no surprise. A fair amount of carbonation in each sip. Very faint traces of the standard beer ingredients--banal malt and hops--in an otherwise unexciting taste profile. Slightly yeasty finish. A bit watery on the whole, and too "clean" for its own good; in other words, it's a light beer. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  European light beers are typically lower in alcohol than their American counterparts, and Amstel, at 3.5%, is no exception. But that doesn't make them any better. The taste is more or less the same: Adjunct- or grain-infused water.

That doesn't mean it tastes bad. Doesn't mean it won't go well with a bowl of chips during the game. But actual water can do that.



GRADE:  D

REVIEW 93: LINDEMANS FRAMBOISE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Belgium

BREWERY:  Brouwerij Lindemans

STYLE:  Lambic--Fruit

ABV:  2.5%

PURCHASE:  Draught (8-oz.), $9.00

SERVING:  Lindemans branded lambic flute. Small head from the tap, especially considering the narrow mouth of the glass; not even half an inch. Immediately fizzes down to nothing like the Wicked Witch of the West.

APPEARANCE:  A raspberry-cranberry color with a pinkish-white head (while it's there). Very opaque with no visible bubbling. No lacing; just the occasional sud.

BOUQUET:  Seems to hint at sour cherries at first, like a kriek, but immediately gives way to the more dominant essences of raspberry. ("Framboise" is the French term for raspberry.) The aroma seems to feature other berries, though they are not particularly discernible; cranberry seems like a good bet, blueberry and blackberry are possibilities. Very little in the way of malted grain, and no detectable hop presence. I picked up a trace of grape- or appleskin.

PALATE:  Very sweet, but with an even dose of sour. Though raspberry is clearly the dominant factor, other berries again seem evident; they may not actually be involved in the brewing process, but they seem present on the palate. Light-moderate body with carbonation that is overshadowed by the tart taste. Slightly syrupy finish, with a somewhat yeasty aftertaste that retains the raspberry character.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  I'm admittedly a novice with lambics, as I have only had maybe one or two in my entire life prior to this review. So I'm kind of winging it here.

Lambics aren't "beer-like" in the traditional sense. There are barely enough beer-like qualities--namely, yeast and very subtle malt--in them. (I considered flunking this along the same lines of Not Your Father's Root Beer--that it just doesn't taste enough like beer--but ultimately decided against it.) The question is, Why would anyone drink this? I would imagine it makes a good dessert beer. I also can see it as a substitute for a mimosa at a Sunday brunch. But I can't imagine anyone downing a few of these at a ballgame or a frat-house. They're just too sweet and tart for that.

That's not to say they don't--or more specifically, this one doesn't--have an amiable taste. It does. But it almost seems more suited to be an additive, a complementary part, an accent, more than it does a stand-alone offering.




GRADE:  C

The former Wicked Witch of the West. 

REVIEW 92: SWEETWATER 420 EXTRA PALE ALE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Sweetwater Brewing Company

STYLE:  APA

ABV:  5.4%

PURCHASE:  Draught (60-oz. pitcher), $12.00

SERVING:  Said pitcher, poured into chilled pint glass. Typical one-inch head from the tap to the pitcher. Standard pour from pitcher into the glass yielded just about the same. A slower pour produced about half that. Middle-of-the-road retention.

APPEARANCE:  Transparent, light copper-rust body with an off-white sudsy head. Light bubbling and quite decent lacing.

BOUQUET:  Essentially a tri-fold aroma of hops, pressed grains, and citrus. Although, a bit of caramel sneaks in there.

PALATE:  It's a pale ale, so you know what's front and center here. Moderate body with slightly cutting carbonation. Could stand to be more balanced. It's not that the hops are out of control; it's just that there's not much to counteract them, save for maybe a dash of generic citrus. Sweet finish and aftertaste, befitting the name of the brewery. So sweet, in fact, that it seemed almost artificial to me. Do they use NutriSweet in the brewing process?

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Poor man's Sierra Nevada, if that. A tad better than average, but not awe-inspiring. 

Guess what? You know how this is called "420 Extra Pale Ale" and has the I-420* logo? Think that's what this is named after? NOPE. It's really named after the other 420. 4-20. That 4-20**.




GRADE:  C+

*I-420 was a proposed, but ultimately scrapped, auxiliary interstate in the metro Altanta area, during the late 1970s and early 1980s.

**Okay, okay--not in that context. It had nothing to do with weed. But it was first brewed on that date!

REVIEW 91: KENZINGER

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Philadelphia Brewing Company

STYLE:  Pale Lager*

ABV:  4.5%

PURCHASE:  Draught (pint), $5.00

SERVING:  Yards branded pint glass. Roughly a 3/4" head from the tap. Fairly quick dissipation. 

APPEARANCE:  Pilsener golden-straw body with a standard fizzy white head. Faint bubbling. Splotchy lacing.

BOUQUET:  One of those beers that splits the difference between malt sweetness and hop bitterness almost right down the middle, with no other aromas of significance. 

PALATE:  Moderate body, moderate carbonation. A tad puckery on the tongue early on. The bulk of the mouthfeel is biscuit-like and yeasty. Sweet up until the finish, where noble hop bitterness fades in and shares the aftertaste. Pretty straightforward beer with a simple but effective balance.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Founded in 2007 by former coworkers from Yards, Philadelphia Brewing Company is a young brewery from the Kensington section of Philly, the home of Rocky Balboa and . . . well . . . how do I put this lightly? A lot of people who's vice of choice isn't beer, let's say that.

Like any other metropolis, Philly has its high-society neighborhoods. But this is a blue-collar city first and foremost. You may even call it an underdog's city. This beer typifies that mentality: Not particularly prolific, but admirable and earnest. I rate it accordingly.




GRADE:  B

*RateBeer calls this a "Dortmunder/Helles." The bar that served it to me tonight calls it a "Kölsch," which is technically inaccurate because those beers, by definition, must be from Cologne, Germany. Beer Advocate, as well as the PBC's own website, calls this a "pale lager," so pale lager it is.

REVIEW 90: LOVE STOUT

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Yards Brewing Company

STYLE:  Stout

ABV:  5.5%

PURCHASE:  Draught (pint), $6.00

SERVING:  Yards branded nonic pint glass. About a 3/4" head from the tap. Exceptional retention.

APPEARANCE:  Creamy, cappuccino-colored head atop a coffeeish body. Very little lacing. Just a handful of scattered suds.

BOUQUET:  Toasted barley and roasted coffee are the most prominent notes. They are rounded out by seeming essences of bitter chocolate and caramel and a touch of hops. I swear I picked up a whiff of butter or toffee. Slightly floral.

PALATE:  Taste is not quite as complex as the aroma. Features a deceptively medium body--that might not make initial sense; it feels light in your mouth but much heavier in your stomach. Very low carbonation. Fairly even and consistent mouthfeel up to the aftertaste, which is characterized mainly by toasted barley as with the aroma. Somewhat dry and roasty finish. A mild hop bitterness figures into the early going. Constant overtones of coffee. Balanced well, but everything seems held a bit too much in check; in other words, it could stand to be a little more adventurous. It's too timid.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Yards. A Philly brewery with a few truly great beers and a smorgasbord of merely good ones. This is one of the latter.




GRADE:  B

REVIEW 89: NATURAL ICE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Anheuser-Busch

STYLE:  Adjunct Lager

ABV:  5.9%

PURCHASE:  Case of 30 12-oz. cans, $15.99

SERVING:  12-oz. can, poured into pint glass. A typical pour resulted in head taking up almost half the glass. A slower one on Round 2 still got almost two solid inches. For kicks, I did a fast ten-second pour for Round 3. I'm sure you can imagine the results. Decent head retention, if you can believe it. (I also had one of these the other night in the Chimay glass as a joke. I don't think it enhanced the taste any.) 

APPEARANCE:  Clear straw (or brass, if you prefer). Very bright white, sudsy head. Steady bubbling. Lacing was spotty on the first two cans, but showed up with more prominence on the third beer, due no doubt to using the same glass. 

BOUQUET:  That classic adjunct aroma of generic grain, water, and the can it came in.

PALATE:  That classic adjunct taste of generic grain, water, and the can it came in. Well, I think I detected a trace of hops in there . . . somewhere. Maybe that was an accident. Mouthfeel is consistent from start to finish. It's slightly husky, but offers nothing else distinguishable. No real aftertaste. I suppose that could be looked at as a good thing. It's fairly carbonated, and has a very light body for a beer that is almost 6% ABV. Very drinkable so long as you keep it cold; it seems to start spoiling as soon as it reaches 40 degrees. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  I have to admit, it's not nearly as bad as I remember it being at frat parties. Maybe A-B improved the recipe. Or maybe frat boys just don't keep their kegs cold enough. 

I found the Natty of today to be on equal footing with Miller Lite, more or less. I found it to have a bit more actual beer character than Ultra. Other than that, I have nothing else to say, except . . . I can't believe I'm not flunking it. What else is there to say? It's a "SUB-premium" beer, for fuck's sake! 




GRADE:  D-

I'm sure this impressed a room full of sorostitutes.

REVIEW 88: CORSENDONK CHRISTMAS ALE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Belgium

BREWERY:  Brouwerij Corsendonk

STYLE:  Strong Dark Ale

ABV:  8.5%

PURCHASE:  25.4-oz. bottle (gift)

SERVING:  Said bottle, poured into Chimay branded chalice. Just under an inch of head from a standard pour; about three quarters of an inch from a slower one. Retention is better than average.

APPEARANCE:  It's a beaut. A delicate, but firm, beige head atop an effervescent, ruby-tinged mahogany body. Great lacing. 

BOUQUET:  Aroma is mainly dark fruit and malt, but hints of spice--cinnamon?--and confections are noticeable. A strong alcohol presence as well. Deceptively complex.

PALATE:  Not as heavy a body as I expected. Carbonation is soft, subtle, and slow to take effect. Doesn't really taste like a Christmas ale--most I've had are very piney; rather, like your usual dark Belgian. Not quite as spicy on the palate as it is on the nose, and it's a spice--or blend of spices--that are not particularly discernible. As with the aroma, though, the main attractions are dark fruit essences and malted barley, up to the finish. At that point, alcohol will hit you. Smooth mouthfeel despite that. Somewhat yeasty aftertaste.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  'Twas the night before Valentine's and all through my house . . .

I will say this:  It is perfectly acceptable to have a "Christmas" ale in mid-February! Especially if it really is just a Belgian dark ale. Evaluated along those lines, I recommend this one whole-heartedly, no matter what holiday it is.




GRADE:  A

Get it, kids? It's a VALENTINE'S tree!

REVIEW 87: INSULATED DARK LAGER

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Brooklyn Brewery

STYLE:  Schwarzbier

ABV:  5.6%

PURCHASE:  Draught (60-oz. pitcher), $12.00

SERVING:  Said pitcher, poured into chilled pint glass. Not particularly heady from the tap, but a standard pour from pitcher to glass yielded a good 2 1/2" head. Great retention, too. A slower pour still yielded well over an inch.

APPEARANCE:  Coffee/cola/root beer dark brown body, approaching black. Cream-beige head. Broken lacing around the glass, more vertical than horizontal. Little bubble action.

BOUQUET:  Considering what this brew looks like--a large Coke--it has a surprisingly floral hop aroma. Malt barely traceable. Hints of caramel, and accents of citrus as well. In short, it looks like a stout or porter, but smells more like a pale ale.

PALATE:  Considering what this brew looks like--a large Coke--it has a surprisingly citrusy taste. The malt factor was more pronounced than in the aroma, particularly toward the end. A grapefruit-like bitterness grabs hold early on and never yields, only fading toward the end as burnt toasted grain characterizes the aftertaste. Very "wet" finish, yet roasty and somewhat coffee-like. Deceptive body that initially seems relatively light, but feels heavier with each mouthful. Mild carbonation that holds itself in check very well. In short, it looks like a stout or porter, but tastes more like a pale ale--well, except for the coffee and burnt grain notes.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  This is a "schwarzbier." For those of you that took German in high school, that literally translates to "black beer" in English. Although literally, it's dark, dark brown. Perhaps they should call it "braunbier."

Given that its appearance is almost 180 degrees away from its actual taste, I'd call it ironic. (Sorry--I forgot how to say "ironic" in Deutsch and didn't feel like looking it up.) But it's ironic in a positive way, at least. Drink the Schwartz--I mean Schwarz!




GRADE:  B

I trust you all see the connection.

REVIEW 86: CHIMAY GRAND RéSERVE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Belgium

BREWERY:  Biéres de Chimay S.A.

STYLE:  Strong Dark Ale

ABV:  9.0%

PURCHASE:  25.4-oz. bottle (gift)

SERVING:  Said bottle, poured into Chimay branded chalice. A normal pour yielded a head of roughly one and a half inches; a slower pour about one inch even. Very good retention. As with the "Red" and "White" Chimays, the head never entirely disappears.

APPEARANCE:  Auburn-brown body with a cream-beige head bordering upon tan. Opaque. Ever-so-slight bubbling action in the bottom of the chalice. Not much lacing.

BOUQUET:  Like most Belgian strong dark ales, it's very, very malty. Fig and other dark fruit essences are easily detectable. Has an inviting, confectionery aroma when first poured; smells a bit like malty milk chocolate at that stage, then becomes more multifaceted as it warms a bit. 

PALATE:  Sweet and roasty overall mouthfeel with gentle carbonation. Body is medium-heavy. More complex taste than the "Red" and "White" Chimays. Finish gives rise to yeast and spice notes, leading to an aftertaste characterized by a resurgence of malt, malt, and more malt. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  If Chimay Red is Billy Smith, and Chimay White is Grant Fuhr, then Chimay Blue is . . . Andy Moog.

Why Andy Moog? Because I drank this while watching Game 5 of the 1984 Stanley Cup Finals, where he shut down the Islanders and ended their "Drive for Five." But mainly because most hockey pundits would agree he was a great goaltender, but rank him behind Smith and Fuhr, who are both in the Hockey Hall of Fame. Comparing the careers of all three netminders, however, Moog is statistically the best of the three. He has the lowest career goals-against average of the three, the most shutouts of the three, and more wins than Smith. And Moog's post-Edmonton record is clearly superior to Fuhr's. Yet he is the overlooked man among great '80s and early '90s NHL goalies.

Similarly, Chimay Blue is often ranked behind the "Red" and "White" by the more established pundits of the beer review world. I think they've got it backward. Among Belgian abbey dark ales, it's not Gouden Carolus, just as Andy Moog wasn't exactly Dominik Hasek. But he was still an All-Star.




GRADE:  A-

REVIEW 85: CHIMAY CINQ CENTS ("WHITE")

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Belgium

BREWERY:  Biéres de Chimay, S.A.

STYLE:  Tripel

ABV:  8.5%

PURCHASE:  Draught (10-oz.), $10.50

SERVING:  Chimay branded chalice. Less than half an inch of head from the tap on the first serving, but almost twice as much on Round 2. The keg change probably had something to do with it. Decent retention. As with the "Red," the head whittles down to a thin layer but never completely goes away.

APPEARANCE:  Like the Red, this is translucent, radiant, and visually stunning. It has a golden-orange tinted body with an off-white head. Very little lacing and no visible bubbling action, despite being served in the glass designed for just that.

BOUQUET:  Malty and with prominent accents of clove and coriander. Light citrus undertones.

PALATE:  Very light body for a beer of this strength. Carbonation is rather subtle unless held for a long time. Slightly sweet and juice-like entry. Then the malt factor takes off. Hops are at a minimum at this stage, while the citrus-malt dichotomy remains through the finish. Clove and coriander essences emerge in the aftertaste, and this is where a hop bitterness will surprise you at the very end. Deceptively strong; seems easy to get through the first couple of servings, but the third or fourth will suddenly pack much more of a wallop. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  As with the other Chimays, the Cinq Cents remains viable but ultimately overhyped when juxtaposed with other beers of its category. Other noted tripels from Belgium--in particular the St. Bernardus--as well as from this continent (e.g. La Fin du Monde), beat it rather handily. Which leads me to the following realization: I compared the wrong Chimay to Grant Fuhr last night! This one is Fuhr. The Premiére is more like Billy Smith. For the uninitiated, he was the goalie for the New York Islanders' dynasty that preceded Fuhr's Oilers, and he was the first NHL goaltender ever to be credited with scoring a goal, seven years before Ron Hextall.*

Like Fuhr, Smith is a Hall of Famer, mainly due to having been the goalie for a team that won several Stanley Cups in a short span. And like Fuhr, numerous bloggers, critics, and commentators have questioned his induction into the Hall, citing his clearly underwhelming statistics. Smith won one Vezina, like Fuhr. He was the starting netminder for four Stanley Cup winners, like Fuhr. Unlike Fuhr, however, he won almost 100 fewer games and never achieved significance on the international stage. 

Hence, I now rate Chimay "Red" as the Billy Smith of Belgians, and the "White" as Fuhr, since both remain very well above ordinary, but not truly elite, and I give the latter an oh-so-slight competitive edge. 



*Unlike Hextall, Smith didn't actually shoot the puck into the opposing net. Rather, in his case, the opposing team inadvertently scored on themselves, and Smith was credited for the goal due to being the last player on his team to touch the puck before it crossed the goal line. Watch it here:





GRADE:  B+