REVIEW 57: STEGMAIER PUMPKIN ALE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  The Lion Brewery, Inc.

STYLE:  Pumpkin Ale

ABV:  5.5%

PURCHASE:  60-oz. pitcher, $10.00

SERVING:  Said pitcher, poured into chilled pint glass. First pour from the pitcher yielded your standard head of an inch and change. Almost doubled that with a slower pour. Fairly quick dissipation.

APPEARANCE:  Transparent caramel tone, almost a pumpkin pie color. Off-white head bordering upon light beige. Zero lacing, except for a little of it in the pitcher. Not much bubbling action either.

BOUQUET:  As you would expect, pumpkin spice is prominent; specifically, ginger and nutmeg stand out. Perhaps a touch of cinnamon. On the whole, the aroma is also a bit bready. You won't detect much in the way of traditional beer notes here (e.g. hops).

PALATE:  Average body and mild carbonation. Entry is sweet but subtle. That said, this is a somewhat empty-tasting beer until the finish, save for an undercurrent of nutmeg. As with many beers, the aftertaste is best part, though that's not saying much in this case. It's a little gingery and gives rise to some--some--actual pumpkin flavor. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Bleh.

On the bottle, or in my case the tap handle, label, credit goes to the Stegmaier Brewing Company from Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. The city of Wilkes-Barre actually owns the Stegmaier building, and it is used for office space for federal employees. So is there a Stegmaier Brewing Company? Well, there was, dating back to 1857. It was once the largest Pennsylvania brewery outside Philadelphia or Pittsburgh. In 1974, the company was sold to The Lion Brewery, makers of such esteemed pedestrian offerings as Lionshead and Lionshead Light.

Perhaps that explains why this attempt at a pumpkin ale comes off as so half-assed. 




GRADE:  D+

The old Stegmaier building in downtown Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania.

REVIEW 56: MIDAS TOUCH

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Dogfish Head Brewery

STYLE:  Herbed/Spiced Beer

ABV:  9.0%

PURCHASE:  Draught (12-oz.), $7.00

SERVING:  Palm-branded snifter. Roughly 3/4" head from the tap on the first serving; second yielded over an inch. Average retention.

APPEARANCE:  Dark gold. Transparent. Shiny. Take your wife's or your girlfriend's jewelry and melt it all down, then pour it in a glass; that's what this looks like. Wispy white head. No real bubbling action to speak of.

BOUQUET:  One of the most challenging aromas I have personally come across. Filled with "I-thinks," if you get me. On the whole, it comes off as a white wine rather than as a beer. It's a tad malty and a bit yeasty, with essentially no hop aroma. In other words, there are very few actual beer notes. Methinks I smelt vanilla. Methinks I smelt pineapple. Methinks I smelt floral essences. Honey? Maybe. This is a riddle to me.

PALATE:  Not a very heavy body--particularly for beer of 9% alcohol. Carbonation is almost nonexistent initially; hold the sip, however, and it can rise sharply. Mouthfeel is viney and somewhat cidery; this goes down like a chardonnay. Light vanilla notes seem to line the mid-palate. Finish is dry and a bit buttery. Aftertaste has some sort of very, very subdued spice, but I can't make it out. Ginger?

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Dogfish Head claims this is brewed from "ingredients found in 2,700-year-old drinking vessels from the tomb of King Midas." That's the king from ancient times who turned things into gold by touching them, in case you couldn't put that together.

At the end of the day, the story behind the beer is nice, but it's the taste, the final result, that matters. On that note, this passes easily.

But at the end of the day, there's something else that matters just as much: Does this actually taste like beer? In that regard, I have the same problem with this as I did with Not Your Father's Root Beer. In that case, I felt I was drinking a gimmick. Same here. Is this beer, or is it wine? Hey, I like wine, and I even like beer that has wine-like qualities. But I still need to feel like I'm drinking a beer. Apologies to the hipster and craft beer communities if I piss them off here.



GRADE:  F

REVIEW 55: SAMUEL ADAMS OCTOBERFEST

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  The Boston Beer Company

STYLE:  Märzen/Oktoberfest

ABV:  5.3%

PURCHASE:  Draught (pint), $5.25

SERVING:  Pint glass. Initial head from the tap: 1/2 inch. Average retention. Ditto for Round 2.

APPEARANCE:  Copper-auburn tint, inching toward ruby. Beige-white head. Moderately transparent with slight bubbling in the body. Scattered, inconsistent lacing.

BOUQUET:  Not overtly complex, though not one-dimensional. Initial aroma seems to be a mix of malted barley, caramel, apple skins, and possibly . . . bitter chocolate. Straining to detect something under the surface yields nothing further, except perhaps a touch of hops.

PALATE:  Moderately to slightly heavy body; this can fill you up quickly. Carbonation starts softly but will snowball if held too long. Malty overall mouthfeel, but becomes a bit oaty at the finish. Roasty aftertaste, with a tease of bitter chocolate--I was right. Mild hop factor, but this is the malt's stage.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Uneven or sharply increasing carbonation can render a beer merely solid where it could have been spectacular. Such is the case with Sam Octoberfest. This used to be my personal favorite of the Sam Seasonals, but that honor has belonged to the Winter Lager for the past few years, as I find that one more consistent. Last year's Octoberfest offering seemed to improve upon the previous few years' regression, but this one seems to mark a return to said regression.

That said, it remains several notches above your standard macrolager. Bleh plus one, I guess.




GRADE:  B-

REVIEW 54: TWO HEARTED ALE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Bell's Brewery, Inc.

STYLE:  IPA

ABV:  7.0%

PURCHASE:  Six-pack of 12-oz. bottles, $13.00

SERVING:  12-oz. bottle, poured into Guinness-branded imperial pint glass. (It was either that or a Collins glass tonight, my friends.) A dense, spongy, three-inch head emerged from a standard pour; a slower pour still got two. Excellent retention.

APPEARANCE:  Tannish-caramel color. Kind of cloudy--hazy is probably a better word--at upon first pour. Has the appearance of suspended yeast and/or bubbles. Becomes more transparent as it warms a bit. Luminous white head and superb lacing around the glass.

BOUQUET:  Hops are the centerpiece here, as you would expect. But they are rounded out by a variety of essences, and quite nicely: Orange spice, coriander, grapefruit, rolled grains, and yeast, mainly. Multi-dimensional for an IPA. 

PALATE:  Middle-of-the-road body, but somewhat light for a beer of this magnitude (7% alcohol). Carbonation sets in a beat or two after entry, then softly crescendos and can become sharp if held too long. Taste is primarily hoppy, but not as conspicuous in that regard as other IPAs--especially those this side of the Atlantic. Juice-like finish, followed by an aftertaste characterized by subdued spiciness--mainly orange zest and coriander, a common combination in the microbrew world. Almost goes down like a witbier.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Yup. Like a witbier. Want to introduce a Blue Moon drinker to the world of IPAs? This is the beer to do it with. 

This is about as smooth and as drinkable an IPA as you will find. Unlike other IPAs, the hop factor is more inclusive than prohibitive here. I rank it accordingly.




GRADE:  A-

Bell's second brewing facility, located in Comstock, Michigan.

REVIEW 53: YUENGLING TRADITIONAL LAGER

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Yuengling Brewery

STYLE:  Amber Lager

ABV:  4.4%

PURCHASE:  Pint (draught), $3.50

SERVING:  Pint glass (obviously). Tap formed a predictable head of roughly one inch. Average to slightly worse than average retention. 

APPEARANCE:  Mahogany body with an off-white head. Transparent. Not much bubble action even when freshly poured. Great lacing, though.

BOUQUET:  Aromatically, comes off less like a beer than as a clean surface of some sort. Damp metal? A whiff of generic grain is discernible. Perhaps half a hop. 

PALATE:  Standard carbonation and a mouthfeel that almost comes across as a light beer. It's very easy to drink, despite the lack of character. There is very little malt or hop presence; in fact, nothing is particularly memorable until the finish, when an apple-skin note emerges and remains through the otherwise tea-like aftertaste. That said, it is also kind of seltzery at that point. Everything here is just so . . . bleh. It has no balls. But it goes down like a sorority sister!

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Yuengling. A staple of eastern Pennsylvania bars, restaurants, and bottle shops. So much so that it is popularly referred to simply as, "Lager." A sort of rite of passage for teens and college students from this region of the country--especially if they wanted something better than . . . Natty. It's priced just right for them.

The Yuengling Brewery may be a point of pride for my fellow Pennsylvanians. But let's face facts: Yuengling is a mediocre brew. I'm sorry if that upsets any brahs reading this.

The best thing about most beers is the taste. The best thing about some beers is the aftertaste. The best thing about many other beers is the aroma. The best thing about still other beers is their appearance.

The best thing about this one is the lacing.




GRADE:  D+

REVIEW 52: CARLSBERG

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Denmark

BREWERY:  Carlsberg Danmark A/S

STYLE:  Pilsener

ABV:  5.0%

PURCHASE:  Case of 24 11.2-oz. bottles, $30.99

SERVING:  11.2-oz. bottle, poured into pint glass. Two-inch head from a normal pour, with decent but unspectacular retention. That head was slashed in half with a slower pour; a faster one barely exceeded it.

APPEARANCE:  Straw-brass color and highly transparent. Sudsy white head. Minimal lacing.

BOUQUET:  Standard grain-and-malt aroma, for the most part. Biscuity and with a trace of cooked-vegetable essences. Hop factor minimal, bordering upon nonexistent. 

PALATE:  Light-medium body with carbonation held tightly in check. Not much wavering with this beer; this has about as consistent a mouthfeel from start to finish as you will find. A sweetness enters right out of the gate and stays for the duration. Malted grain and yeast enter at mid-palate and also remain for the long haul. The aftertaste is characterized by this "sweet malt/yeast" quality, with a tinge of "cooked veggie" thrown in for good measure. Somewhat cereal-like.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Every country has its Budweiser. This is Denmark's. Except it's a bit better. It's still what I call a "Corn Flakes beer," but it's on the higher end of that spectrum.




GRADE:  C+

REVIEW 51: TROOPER

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  England

BREWERY:  Robinsons Brewery (also known as Robinsons Family Brewers)

STYLE:  ESB

ABV:  4.7%

PURCHASE:  4-pack of 16.9-oz. cans, $13.99

SERVING:  16.9-oz. can, poured into Guinness-branded imperial pint glass. Produced a fluffy two-inch head upon initial dispensation with a normal pour speed. A slower pour resulted in only a little less. Good retention. 

APPEARANCE:  Translucent caramel color bordering upon copper. Bright white head. Very good lacing.

BOUQUET:  Not particularly assertive in any way; rather, the nose is comprised of several little aromas that mesh very well. It's a bit on the fruity side--seemingly both citrus and apricot. It features a fragrant hop-malt balance. It's a little buttery, a little toffeeish. And it's also very tea-like; in fact, tea seems to be the enveloping factor.

PALATE:  Softly onsetting carbonation in a light-medium body. A little fruity upon entry. Subdued hoppiness takes hold mid-palate. Extremely smooth mouthfeel. Finish leads to a tea-like aftertaste--I wasn't hallucinating--that also features notes of lemon zest and a tinge of spice that seems to be either pepper or coriander, or maybe both. The aftertaste, as with lots of brews, is the best part. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Brewed since 2013, with a recipe created by Iron Maiden frontman and British beer enthusiast Bruce Dickinson, the Trooper has been, to date, the most successful export for the Robinsons Brewery of Stockport, England. The beer is named after the Maiden song, which in turn was inspired by Tennyson's "The Charge of the Light Brigade," which in turn commemorated the bravery of British troopers during the Battle of Balaclava during the Crimean War in 1854.

As for the beer, well . . . it's a trooper. (Sorry.) It's an ESB, which is short for "extra special bitter," or "extra strong bitter." It's a bit of a misnomer, since these beers really aren't that bitter at all. This one is a textbook case, being quite mild in actuality. (Think of Yards Brawler.) All bitterness aside--sorry again--this is one of those beers that could stand to be a little more daring and little less subtle. As it is for the moment, it's a good session brew. Great for knocking a few back while . . . listening to Maiden albums. (I'm sorry, really. But I couldn't resist.)*

*My original intention was to write this review in such a way that a Maiden song was mentioned every sentence. I decided against it for reasons of syntactical ineffectiveness. And because it would make me look lame.




GRADE:  B-

REVIEW 50: FRANZISKANER WEISSBIER

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Germany

BREWERY:  Spaten-Franziskaner-Bräu

STYLE:  Hefeweizen

ABV:  5.0%

PURCHASE:  Pint (draught), $6.00

SERVING:  Franziskaner-branded weizen glass. Tap produced the run-of-the-mill one-inch crown. Fluffy initially, then more like spongy after several seconds. Average to slightly better than average retention--maybe. 

APPEARANCE:  Cloudy golden-orange body with a bright white head. Translucent toward the bottom of the glass. Lacing is minuscule and inconsistent. 

BOUQUET:  Appealing blend of wheat, citrus zest (lemon and/or orange rind), coriander, and clove, for the most part. Hints of banana.

PALATE:  Somewhat of a Blue Moon-like taste profile. Medium body with carbonation that is initially complementary, but can snowball out of control if you're not careful. In other words, don't hold a sip of this in your mouth for too long! Front palate is lacking, but things get going just a beat later, with burrowing citrus and spice notes. A mellow undertone of banana emerges, and it seems to last the longest of any particular flavor except for perhaps the kick of coriander, clove, and pepper that emerges further and further back. Finish sees a significant increase in citrus and zest--namely lemon and orange rind--before yielding to the more-or-less "peppery orange-banana" aftertaste. Better and less harsh as it warms; too cold a glass seems to heighten the carbonation to a point where it is just too biting, resulting in a loss of balance. In fact, my first of these tonight almost came off like spiked orange soda for several sips, before I allowed it to sit, then opted not to change glasses on subsequent orders.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Amiable and refreshing. But those are generic words. This is a German hefeweizen; generic won't do.

Carbonation is important to beer; after all, without it, beer would be flat. But there is such a thing as too much carbonation. And it's too much carbonation that makes this, ultimately, a good beer and not a great one. Everything else gels nicely. So nicely, in fact, that you're willing to look past even a major gaffe--like too much carbonation.




GRADE:  B

REVIEW 49: 60 MINUTE IPA

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Dogfish Head Brewery

STYLE:  IPA

ABV:  6.0%

PURCHASE:  60-oz. pitcher, $11.00

SERVING:  Said pitcher, poured into chilled pint glass. From tap to pitcher, this yielded a standard head of an inch or so. When dispensed into the glass, a standard pour got roughly an inch and a half, as did a slower pour. A fast pour got almost double that. Better than average retention.

APPEARANCE:  Deep gold color, bordering upon caramel, and fairly transparent. Your standard, slightly off-white head. Blotchy lacing around the glass.

BOUQUET:  Yes, it's an IPA, but it's not as overtly hoppy as you might expect. Yeasty undertones pervade the nose, as do caramel, grapefruit, and a floral essence of some kind. 

PALATE:  Moderate body that comes off as relatively light for a six-percenter. Light carbonation. Juice-like mouthfeel. One of the maltiest IPAs out there; there is no "crescendo" quality here, particularly with regard to hops. In fact, the hoppiest part of each sip is the aftertaste, which itself is balanced out with yeast and citrus notes, as with the bouquet. Smooth drinking experience, even for the novice IPA imbiber. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  This remains one of the best known entries on the American IPA market, and one of the flagship stateside IPAs of the modern craft beer movement. The familiar green fish logo is a welcome sight at any bar, restaurant, or distributor, and the brand is still a go-to when introducing an inexperienced drinker to the world of the India Pale Ale. 

Alas, Dogfish Head has simply been surpassed by various offerings in recent years: Crooked Eye, Racer 5, Troegs, Stone--just to name a few. A brew that was once a consensus All-Star has now--at least in this reviewer's view--been relegated to the status of solid player.




GRADE:  B

REVIEW 48: BLUE MOON BELGIAN WHITE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Blue Moon Brewing Company*

STYLE:  Witbier

ABV:  5.4%

PURCHASE:  60-oz. pitcher, $10.00

SERVING:  Said pitcher, poured into chilled pint glass, sans orange. Not overly heady from the tap itself, but a standard pour from the pitcher into the glass initially produced a crown of two and a half to three inches. Faster pour for serving #2 actually got less, but the beer had warmed a bit by then. A slow pour on the third try got the desirable one-incher. 

APPEARANCE:  Bright, effervescent, golden-orange, like a sunrise--except this was a bit cloudy at the same time. A paradox? Translucent with what I call "light-bulb-white" head. No lacing at all. Seriously, none.

BOUQUET:  Orange zest, wheat, and coriander--always an inviting aroma. Unless the orange is moldy. This almost comes off like juice at first sniff.

PALATE:  Relatively light body. Carbonation is deceptive: Soft at first, but it can become sharp and biting if you let it. Citrusy throughout each sip, and somewhat wheaty. Juice-like finish. Aftertaste is largely devoid of discernible, resonating flavors, with the exception of faint notes of orange zest and oats, should you allow said aftertaste to linger. Yup. Oats, something I must admit I never picked up on with this beer until recently. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  This year marks the 20th anniversary of Blue Moon, as it was introduced in 1995 under the name "Bellyslide Belgian White." Controversy persists to this day as to whether it qualifies as a "craft beer." It has certainly been marketed as such, particularly when it exploded in popularity in the mid-2000s.

I say it isn't. It's a macrolager masquerading as one. That's not to put it down entirely; it's a crowd pleaser, as well as a stepping stone for someone taking baby steps into the world of real craft beer. But the hype is undeserved, especially these days. This has devolved over the years; perhaps the MillerCoors takeover did it in, as InBev did with Rolling Rock. This used to be a solid alternative to actual Belgian witbiers. Now it's an underwhelming imitator of them. Bleh.




GRADE:  C

*The Blue Moon Brewing Company remains the immediate company overseeing production of Blue Moon Belgian White, though it is a subsidiary of Coors, which in turn is a subsidiary of MolsonCoors. The original Blue Moon brewery (at "The Sandlot") continues to operate out of Coors Field in Denver, the home of Major League Baseball's Colorado Rockies.