REVIEW 90: LOVE STOUT

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Yards Brewing Company

STYLE:  Stout

ABV:  5.5%

PURCHASE:  Draught (pint), $6.00

SERVING:  Yards branded nonic pint glass. About a 3/4" head from the tap. Exceptional retention.

APPEARANCE:  Creamy, cappuccino-colored head atop a coffeeish body. Very little lacing. Just a handful of scattered suds.

BOUQUET:  Toasted barley and roasted coffee are the most prominent notes. They are rounded out by seeming essences of bitter chocolate and caramel and a touch of hops. I swear I picked up a whiff of butter or toffee. Slightly floral.

PALATE:  Taste is not quite as complex as the aroma. Features a deceptively medium body--that might not make initial sense; it feels light in your mouth but much heavier in your stomach. Very low carbonation. Fairly even and consistent mouthfeel up to the aftertaste, which is characterized mainly by toasted barley as with the aroma. Somewhat dry and roasty finish. A mild hop bitterness figures into the early going. Constant overtones of coffee. Balanced well, but everything seems held a bit too much in check; in other words, it could stand to be a little more adventurous. It's too timid.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Yards. A Philly brewery with a few truly great beers and a smorgasbord of merely good ones. This is one of the latter.




GRADE:  B

REVIEW 89: NATURAL ICE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Anheuser-Busch

STYLE:  Adjunct Lager

ABV:  5.9%

PURCHASE:  Case of 30 12-oz. cans, $15.99

SERVING:  12-oz. can, poured into pint glass. A typical pour resulted in head taking up almost half the glass. A slower one on Round 2 still got almost two solid inches. For kicks, I did a fast ten-second pour for Round 3. I'm sure you can imagine the results. Decent head retention, if you can believe it. (I also had one of these the other night in the Chimay glass as a joke. I don't think it enhanced the taste any.) 

APPEARANCE:  Clear straw (or brass, if you prefer). Very bright white, sudsy head. Steady bubbling. Lacing was spotty on the first two cans, but showed up with more prominence on the third beer, due no doubt to using the same glass. 

BOUQUET:  That classic adjunct aroma of generic grain, water, and the can it came in.

PALATE:  That classic adjunct taste of generic grain, water, and the can it came in. Well, I think I detected a trace of hops in there . . . somewhere. Maybe that was an accident. Mouthfeel is consistent from start to finish. It's slightly husky, but offers nothing else distinguishable. No real aftertaste. I suppose that could be looked at as a good thing. It's fairly carbonated, and has a very light body for a beer that is almost 6% ABV. Very drinkable so long as you keep it cold; it seems to start spoiling as soon as it reaches 40 degrees. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  I have to admit, it's not nearly as bad as I remember it being at frat parties. Maybe A-B improved the recipe. Or maybe frat boys just don't keep their kegs cold enough. 

I found the Natty of today to be on equal footing with Miller Lite, more or less. I found it to have a bit more actual beer character than Ultra. Other than that, I have nothing else to say, except . . . I can't believe I'm not flunking it. What else is there to say? It's a "SUB-premium" beer, for fuck's sake! 




GRADE:  D-

I'm sure this impressed a room full of sorostitutes.

REVIEW 88: CORSENDONK CHRISTMAS ALE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Belgium

BREWERY:  Brouwerij Corsendonk

STYLE:  Strong Dark Ale

ABV:  8.5%

PURCHASE:  25.4-oz. bottle (gift)

SERVING:  Said bottle, poured into Chimay branded chalice. Just under an inch of head from a standard pour; about three quarters of an inch from a slower one. Retention is better than average.

APPEARANCE:  It's a beaut. A delicate, but firm, beige head atop an effervescent, ruby-tinged mahogany body. Great lacing. 

BOUQUET:  Aroma is mainly dark fruit and malt, but hints of spice--cinnamon?--and confections are noticeable. A strong alcohol presence as well. Deceptively complex.

PALATE:  Not as heavy a body as I expected. Carbonation is soft, subtle, and slow to take effect. Doesn't really taste like a Christmas ale--most I've had are very piney; rather, like your usual dark Belgian. Not quite as spicy on the palate as it is on the nose, and it's a spice--or blend of spices--that are not particularly discernible. As with the aroma, though, the main attractions are dark fruit essences and malted barley, up to the finish. At that point, alcohol will hit you. Smooth mouthfeel despite that. Somewhat yeasty aftertaste.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  'Twas the night before Valentine's and all through my house . . .

I will say this:  It is perfectly acceptable to have a "Christmas" ale in mid-February! Especially if it really is just a Belgian dark ale. Evaluated along those lines, I recommend this one whole-heartedly, no matter what holiday it is.




GRADE:  A

Get it, kids? It's a VALENTINE'S tree!

REVIEW 87: INSULATED DARK LAGER

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Brooklyn Brewery

STYLE:  Schwarzbier

ABV:  5.6%

PURCHASE:  Draught (60-oz. pitcher), $12.00

SERVING:  Said pitcher, poured into chilled pint glass. Not particularly heady from the tap, but a standard pour from pitcher to glass yielded a good 2 1/2" head. Great retention, too. A slower pour still yielded well over an inch.

APPEARANCE:  Coffee/cola/root beer dark brown body, approaching black. Cream-beige head. Broken lacing around the glass, more vertical than horizontal. Little bubble action.

BOUQUET:  Considering what this brew looks like--a large Coke--it has a surprisingly floral hop aroma. Malt barely traceable. Hints of caramel, and accents of citrus as well. In short, it looks like a stout or porter, but smells more like a pale ale.

PALATE:  Considering what this brew looks like--a large Coke--it has a surprisingly citrusy taste. The malt factor was more pronounced than in the aroma, particularly toward the end. A grapefruit-like bitterness grabs hold early on and never yields, only fading toward the end as burnt toasted grain characterizes the aftertaste. Very "wet" finish, yet roasty and somewhat coffee-like. Deceptive body that initially seems relatively light, but feels heavier with each mouthful. Mild carbonation that holds itself in check very well. In short, it looks like a stout or porter, but tastes more like a pale ale--well, except for the coffee and burnt grain notes.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  This is a "schwarzbier." For those of you that took German in high school, that literally translates to "black beer" in English. Although literally, it's dark, dark brown. Perhaps they should call it "braunbier."

Given that its appearance is almost 180 degrees away from its actual taste, I'd call it ironic. (Sorry--I forgot how to say "ironic" in Deutsch and didn't feel like looking it up.) But it's ironic in a positive way, at least. Drink the Schwartz--I mean Schwarz!




GRADE:  B

I trust you all see the connection.

REVIEW 86: CHIMAY GRAND RéSERVE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Belgium

BREWERY:  Biéres de Chimay S.A.

STYLE:  Strong Dark Ale

ABV:  9.0%

PURCHASE:  25.4-oz. bottle (gift)

SERVING:  Said bottle, poured into Chimay branded chalice. A normal pour yielded a head of roughly one and a half inches; a slower pour about one inch even. Very good retention. As with the "Red" and "White" Chimays, the head never entirely disappears.

APPEARANCE:  Auburn-brown body with a cream-beige head bordering upon tan. Opaque. Ever-so-slight bubbling action in the bottom of the chalice. Not much lacing.

BOUQUET:  Like most Belgian strong dark ales, it's very, very malty. Fig and other dark fruit essences are easily detectable. Has an inviting, confectionery aroma when first poured; smells a bit like malty milk chocolate at that stage, then becomes more multifaceted as it warms a bit. 

PALATE:  Sweet and roasty overall mouthfeel with gentle carbonation. Body is medium-heavy. More complex taste than the "Red" and "White" Chimays. Finish gives rise to yeast and spice notes, leading to an aftertaste characterized by a resurgence of malt, malt, and more malt. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  If Chimay Red is Billy Smith, and Chimay White is Grant Fuhr, then Chimay Blue is . . . Andy Moog.

Why Andy Moog? Because I drank this while watching Game 5 of the 1984 Stanley Cup Finals, where he shut down the Islanders and ended their "Drive for Five." But mainly because most hockey pundits would agree he was a great goaltender, but rank him behind Smith and Fuhr, who are both in the Hockey Hall of Fame. Comparing the careers of all three netminders, however, Moog is statistically the best of the three. He has the lowest career goals-against average of the three, the most shutouts of the three, and more wins than Smith. And Moog's post-Edmonton record is clearly superior to Fuhr's. Yet he is the overlooked man among great '80s and early '90s NHL goalies.

Similarly, Chimay Blue is often ranked behind the "Red" and "White" by the more established pundits of the beer review world. I think they've got it backward. Among Belgian abbey dark ales, it's not Gouden Carolus, just as Andy Moog wasn't exactly Dominik Hasek. But he was still an All-Star.




GRADE:  A-

REVIEW 85: CHIMAY CINQ CENTS ("WHITE")

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Belgium

BREWERY:  Biéres de Chimay, S.A.

STYLE:  Tripel

ABV:  8.5%

PURCHASE:  Draught (10-oz.), $10.50

SERVING:  Chimay branded chalice. Less than half an inch of head from the tap on the first serving, but almost twice as much on Round 2. The keg change probably had something to do with it. Decent retention. As with the "Red," the head whittles down to a thin layer but never completely goes away.

APPEARANCE:  Like the Red, this is translucent, radiant, and visually stunning. It has a golden-orange tinted body with an off-white head. Very little lacing and no visible bubbling action, despite being served in the glass designed for just that.

BOUQUET:  Malty and with prominent accents of clove and coriander. Light citrus undertones.

PALATE:  Very light body for a beer of this strength. Carbonation is rather subtle unless held for a long time. Slightly sweet and juice-like entry. Then the malt factor takes off. Hops are at a minimum at this stage, while the citrus-malt dichotomy remains through the finish. Clove and coriander essences emerge in the aftertaste, and this is where a hop bitterness will surprise you at the very end. Deceptively strong; seems easy to get through the first couple of servings, but the third or fourth will suddenly pack much more of a wallop. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  As with the other Chimays, the Cinq Cents remains viable but ultimately overhyped when juxtaposed with other beers of its category. Other noted tripels from Belgium--in particular the St. Bernardus--as well as from this continent (e.g. La Fin du Monde), beat it rather handily. Which leads me to the following realization: I compared the wrong Chimay to Grant Fuhr last night! This one is Fuhr. The Premiére is more like Billy Smith. For the uninitiated, he was the goalie for the New York Islanders' dynasty that preceded Fuhr's Oilers, and he was the first NHL goaltender ever to be credited with scoring a goal, seven years before Ron Hextall.*

Like Fuhr, Smith is a Hall of Famer, mainly due to having been the goalie for a team that won several Stanley Cups in a short span. And like Fuhr, numerous bloggers, critics, and commentators have questioned his induction into the Hall, citing his clearly underwhelming statistics. Smith won one Vezina, like Fuhr. He was the starting netminder for four Stanley Cup winners, like Fuhr. Unlike Fuhr, however, he won almost 100 fewer games and never achieved significance on the international stage. 

Hence, I now rate Chimay "Red" as the Billy Smith of Belgians, and the "White" as Fuhr, since both remain very well above ordinary, but not truly elite, and I give the latter an oh-so-slight competitive edge. 



*Unlike Hextall, Smith didn't actually shoot the puck into the opposing net. Rather, in his case, the opposing team inadvertently scored on themselves, and Smith was credited for the goal due to being the last player on his team to touch the puck before it crossed the goal line. Watch it here:





GRADE:  B+

REVIEW 84: CHIMAY PREMIéRE ALE ("RED")

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Belgium

BREWERY:  Biéres de Chimay S.A.

STYLE:  Dubbel

ABV:  7.0%

PURCHASE:  25.4-oz. bottle (gift)

SERVING:  Said bottle, poured into Chimay branded chalice. A pour of the usual speed (20 seconds) produced a head of the usual size (roughly one inch). A slower pour (30 seconds) still managed 3/4". Fairly good retention, as it never totally disappears. A wisp of it remains for the duration of each glass.

APPEARANCE:  Highly appealing, visually. Translucent sienna-caramel color with a beige-white head. Has a radiance to it few other beers can match. Not much lacing or bubbling.

BOUQUET:  Malty, with prominent aromas of appleskin, caramel, and dark fruit, namely fig and raisin.

PALATE:  Easygoing body for a 7% beer. Carbonation is prominent but not overbearing. Tastewise, dark fruit again is conspicuous, particularly early on. An undercurrent of spice can't be ignored; it's not peppery and is hard to make out--allspice is my guess. Mild hop bitterness--a beer cliché if ever there was one--emerges mid-palate. The finish is surprisingly a bit yeasty, leading to a tea-like aftertaste, but not before hitting you with some pure alcohol of the fusel variety--something I personally do not look for in a trappist beer, regardless of the ABV. On the whole it's agreeable but seems a bit empty; it's not as rich nor as full-bodied as other famous Belgian dubbels. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  I drank this tonight while watching a vintage hockey game between the Philadelphia Flyers and Edmonton Oilers. No, not Game 6 or 7 of the '87 Cup Finals. Instead, it was a regular season game played on December 30, 1981, the night Wayne Gretzky scored five goals--including an empty-netter with three seconds remaining--to reach the 50-goal mark in just his 39th game of the year, setting a record that will likely never be broken in my lifetime. 

Edmonton's goaltender that night was a rookie named Grant Fuhr, who would backstop them to four Stanley Cups in a five-year span beginning two seasons later. He was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame in 2003, his very first year of eligibility. He was unquestionably one of the winningest netminders of his era, with over 400 regular season victories to his credit, as well as multiple All-Star appearances and a Vezina Trophy as the NHL's best goaltender. He also tended goal for Team Canada during their monumental victory over the Soviets in the 1987 Canada Cup. 

In recent years, however, hockey scholars have called into question Fuhr's supposed greatness, citing certain statistics of his that are underwhelming when compared to his goaltending peers, even those from the same high-scoring era. Some have gone so far as to suggest he wasn't really a Hall of Fame goalie after all, citing his sub-.900 save percentage and relatively high goals-against average, in particular. They contend that Edmonton didn't really win that much because of Fuhr; rather, Fuhr won because of the team in front of him. 

Therein lies my analogy for this review. For as long as I can remember, Chimay has been more or less the gold standard for Belgian trappist beers. And there's no denying its importance to the world of abbey brewing. It has long been seen as one of the greats of its category. But now I, like the new wave of hockey scholars that question the old notions of what makes a money goalie in the NHL, do the same for the realm of the Belgian monk-brewer. I personally have always found Chimay to be very good but overrated, and not worthy of all the hype it receives. It's clearly outdone by several of its contemporaries--St. Bernardus, for instance. It can still impress you, but it's not on the short list of greatest beers in the world, as some proclaim.

I wouldn't kick Grant Fuhr out of the Hall of Fame, but he strikes me as the Chimay of goalies. I guess that makes St. Bernardus . . . St. Patrick. 




GRADE:  B+

REVIEW 83: DAB EXPORT

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Germany

BREWERY:  Dortmunder Actien Brauerei 

STYLE:  Dortmunder

ABV:  5.4%

PURCHASE:  Case of 24 11.2-oz. bottles, $24.99

SERVING:  Said bottle, poured into pint glass. A standard pour yielded a standard head of one and a half inches. A slower pour whittled that down to an even inch. Better than average retention.

APPEARANCE:  Pale, golden-straw body with a bright, white head. Transparent. Faint bubbling. Good lacing.

BOUQUET:  Husky, grainy aroma. Very, very subtle traces of spice (seemingly). Too faint to pinpoint. Officially, the ingredients of this beer are water, hops, hop extract, and barley malt. That's it. Hmm.

PALATE:  Softly carbonated body that goes down very smoothly; the drinkability here is on par with that of a light beer. True to the style, this is a beer with a mouthfeel that is consistent throughout each sip; there are no "crescendos" or surprises at the end. Starts a bit sweet, but immediately rescinds to a biscuity taste that sustains itself. Subtle hop factor. Finish is somewhat zesty with lemon rind, and the aftertaste is a tad on the peppery side while remaining citrusy. Interesting, since no form of citrus nor spice is listed as an official ingredient of the beer. Hmm. Regardless, husky malt is the main attraction from beginning to end. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  This was the official brew of the German-American soccer club my family belonged to when I was a kid. (I didn't play for them, though.) I can see why. It's a great-tasting beer that you can drink a ton of with little effort. Ideal for Oktoberfests and other festivals.

It's not exactly world-class, but it's a very, very satisfying beer with a simple but addictive taste. A case of these cost me 25 bucks. At barely more than a buck a brew, why settle for fucking Miller Lite?




GRADE:  B+

REVIEW 82: DOS EQUIS AMBER LAGER

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Mexico

BREWERY:  Cerveceria Cuauhtemoc Moctezuma, S.A. de C.V.

STYLE:  Vienna Lager

ABV:  4.7%

PURCHASE:  Draught (18-oz.), $5.59

SERVING:  Weizen glass sans lime. 1/2-inch head from the tap. Average retention.

APPEARANCE:  Amber. Ha. Transparent amber-copper, to be more precise. Standard white head. Faint bubble action. Excellent lacing.

BOUQUET:  Fresh, "clean" (read: bleh) aroma; slightly grainy, slightly malty, slightly floral. A hint of caramel--although, that could just be psychology at play, due to how the beer looks.

PALATE:  Average body, but a bit heavy for a beer under 5% ABV. Carbonation is initially modest but can spiral if left unchecked. Sweet and faintly toasty malt characterizes practically the entirety of every sip. Very little complexity; it seems to be missing something. Finish is partly seltzer-like. What's there is agreeable but boring; taste is too "clean" for its own good. Lacks balls. (Don't misunderstand me; I don't want to taste balls in my beer.)

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  Dos Equis is a Spanish term. It refers to the two "X's" on the label. Dos Equis, the beer, is brewed in Mexico. But it is a Vienna lager. That's right.

For you novices out there, Vienna lager was first brewed in 1841 in . . . Vienna. Hence the name. The style soon spread to Austria's neighbors, namely Germany. But then in the late nineteenth century, numerous Austrian and German brewmeisters emigrated to Mexico, bringing this lager with them. It was a German-born Mexican brewer, Wilhelm Hasse, that produced Dos Equis, in 1894, utilizing the "XX" to commemorate the impending arrival of the twentieth century. (The beer would not be exported to this side of the border until 1973.)

Warren Oates' character in Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia (directed by Sam Peckinpah, 1974) explains this development in an early scene from the film, noting that "some of the best beer in the world comes from Mexico." That may be true, but Dos Equis does not fit that description, regardless of what "The Most Interesting Man in the World" says.

That said, unlike it's mediocre green-bottled cousin Especiale, the Amber Lager is at least what I would call "okay." 




GRADE:  C-

REVIEW 81: INNIS & GUNN ORIGINAL

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Scotland

BREWERY:  Innis & Gunn

STYLE:  Scottish Ale

ABV:  6.6%

PURCHASE:  22.3-oz. bottle (gift)

SERVING:  Said bottle, poured into Guinness-branded imperial pint glass. Very heady upon dispensation with a standard pour; about four inches of suds sponged the top 2/3 of the glass! Good retention, too. Second pour--a partial one, due to the fact that there were only a few ounces left--yielded maybe an inch. 

APPEARANCE:  Transparent body. Caramel-copper color with a seeming touch of ruby. Light bubble action. Very bright white head. No lacing.

BOUQUET:  Mild, malty aroma. Subtle notes of spice--namely cloves and cinnamon--and caramel.

PALATE:  Noticeable but contained carbonation. Smooth, easygoing body. Comes off like a mild ale initially--think Trooper or Yards Brawler--but then seems to morph a bit, taking on bock-like qualities with a slightly zesty finish. That's where a kiss of hops and yeast emerge, leading to an clove-cinnamon aftertaste. (My nose was right.) Make no mistake, though: This is malt's show. Interesting in that the overall palate is not roasty or toasty, but sort of . . . caramelized. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  This is a Scottish ale, a style known for richness. This one didn't really have that. But what it did have was a simply satisfying taste. That's not as exciting as . . . the blare of bagpipes. 

It's subtler, like a flute. But sometimes a flute can rock. Ian Anderson rocked a flute. He's the guy from Jethro Tull. And he's also from Scotland.

I don't know where I'm going with that analogy. I'll close by just saying it's a solid beer and I rank it accordingly.




GRADE:  B