REVIEW 89: NATURAL ICE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Anheuser-Busch

STYLE:  Adjunct Lager

ABV:  5.9%

PURCHASE:  Case of 30 12-oz. cans, $15.99

SERVING:  12-oz. can, poured into pint glass. A typical pour resulted in head taking up almost half the glass. A slower one on Round 2 still got almost two solid inches. For kicks, I did a fast ten-second pour for Round 3. I'm sure you can imagine the results. Decent head retention, if you can believe it. (I also had one of these the other night in the Chimay glass as a joke. I don't think it enhanced the taste any.) 

APPEARANCE:  Clear straw (or brass, if you prefer). Very bright white, sudsy head. Steady bubbling. Lacing was spotty on the first two cans, but showed up with more prominence on the third beer, due no doubt to using the same glass. 

BOUQUET:  That classic adjunct aroma of generic grain, water, and the can it came in.

PALATE:  That classic adjunct taste of generic grain, water, and the can it came in. Well, I think I detected a trace of hops in there . . . somewhere. Maybe that was an accident. Mouthfeel is consistent from start to finish. It's slightly husky, but offers nothing else distinguishable. No real aftertaste. I suppose that could be looked at as a good thing. It's fairly carbonated, and has a very light body for a beer that is almost 6% ABV. Very drinkable so long as you keep it cold; it seems to start spoiling as soon as it reaches 40 degrees. 

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  I have to admit, it's not nearly as bad as I remember it being at frat parties. Maybe A-B improved the recipe. Or maybe frat boys just don't keep their kegs cold enough. 

I found the Natty of today to be on equal footing with Miller Lite, more or less. I found it to have a bit more actual beer character than Ultra. Other than that, I have nothing else to say, except . . . I can't believe I'm not flunking it. What else is there to say? It's a "SUB-premium" beer, for fuck's sake! 




GRADE:  D-

I'm sure this impressed a room full of sorostitutes.

REVIEW 88: CORSENDONK CHRISTMAS ALE

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  Belgium

BREWERY:  Brouwerij Corsendonk

STYLE:  Strong Dark Ale

ABV:  8.5%

PURCHASE:  25.4-oz. bottle (gift)

SERVING:  Said bottle, poured into Chimay branded chalice. Just under an inch of head from a standard pour; about three quarters of an inch from a slower one. Retention is better than average.

APPEARANCE:  It's a beaut. A delicate, but firm, beige head atop an effervescent, ruby-tinged mahogany body. Great lacing. 

BOUQUET:  Aroma is mainly dark fruit and malt, but hints of spice--cinnamon?--and confections are noticeable. A strong alcohol presence as well. Deceptively complex.

PALATE:  Not as heavy a body as I expected. Carbonation is soft, subtle, and slow to take effect. Doesn't really taste like a Christmas ale--most I've had are very piney; rather, like your usual dark Belgian. Not quite as spicy on the palate as it is on the nose, and it's a spice--or blend of spices--that are not particularly discernible. As with the aroma, though, the main attractions are dark fruit essences and malted barley, up to the finish. At that point, alcohol will hit you. Smooth mouthfeel despite that. Somewhat yeasty aftertaste.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  'Twas the night before Valentine's and all through my house . . .

I will say this:  It is perfectly acceptable to have a "Christmas" ale in mid-February! Especially if it really is just a Belgian dark ale. Evaluated along those lines, I recommend this one whole-heartedly, no matter what holiday it is.




GRADE:  A

Get it, kids? It's a VALENTINE'S tree!

REVIEW 87: INSULATED DARK LAGER

COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:  USA

BREWERY:  Brooklyn Brewery

STYLE:  Schwarzbier

ABV:  5.6%

PURCHASE:  Draught (60-oz. pitcher), $12.00

SERVING:  Said pitcher, poured into chilled pint glass. Not particularly heady from the tap, but a standard pour from pitcher to glass yielded a good 2 1/2" head. Great retention, too. A slower pour still yielded well over an inch.

APPEARANCE:  Coffee/cola/root beer dark brown body, approaching black. Cream-beige head. Broken lacing around the glass, more vertical than horizontal. Little bubble action.

BOUQUET:  Considering what this brew looks like--a large Coke--it has a surprisingly floral hop aroma. Malt barely traceable. Hints of caramel, and accents of citrus as well. In short, it looks like a stout or porter, but smells more like a pale ale.

PALATE:  Considering what this brew looks like--a large Coke--it has a surprisingly citrusy taste. The malt factor was more pronounced than in the aroma, particularly toward the end. A grapefruit-like bitterness grabs hold early on and never yields, only fading toward the end as burnt toasted grain characterizes the aftertaste. Very "wet" finish, yet roasty and somewhat coffee-like. Deceptive body that initially seems relatively light, but feels heavier with each mouthful. Mild carbonation that holds itself in check very well. In short, it looks like a stout or porter, but tastes more like a pale ale--well, except for the coffee and burnt grain notes.

MUSINGS AND METAPHORS:  This is a "schwarzbier." For those of you that took German in high school, that literally translates to "black beer" in English. Although literally, it's dark, dark brown. Perhaps they should call it "braunbier."

Given that its appearance is almost 180 degrees away from its actual taste, I'd call it ironic. (Sorry--I forgot how to say "ironic" in Deutsch and didn't feel like looking it up.) But it's ironic in a positive way, at least. Drink the Schwartz--I mean Schwarz!




GRADE:  B

I trust you all see the connection.